


Hop On My Lap!

by SileeFern



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boyfriends, Crack, Dean and Cas are OOC, Destiel - Freeform, Do I look like a writer to you, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Flirting, Grown Up Language, Lap Dance Lessons, M/M, Making Out, Of course they are OOC, Or at least my attempt at crack, PDA, Swearing, Teasing, Touching in public
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-03-29 14:22:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3899548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SileeFern/pseuds/SileeFern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Lap dance lessons?” Castiel asked, incredulously, only to receive a cocky smirk from his boyfriend. Dean was sprawled on their bed while Cas paced back and forth in front of him.<br/>“What’s wrong with that?” Dean asked, grin still plastered on his handsome face.<br/>“What’s wrong with that?” Cas repeated, fuming slightly. “Well, there’s the fact that I don’t dance! Where do you come up with stuff like this?”<br/>...<br/>...<br/>...<br/>And Crack ensued!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Nash and Mel, remember the time you’ll told me that you’ll were taught how to lap dance by your Zumba instructor? Well, thanks for the unintended prompt!

“Lap dance lessons?” Castiel asked, incredulously, only to receive a cocky smirk from his boyfriend. Dean was sprawled out on their bed while Cas paced back and forth in front of him.

“What’s wrong with that?” Dean asked, grin still plastered on his handsome face.

“ _What’s wrong with that?”_ Cas repeated, fuming slightly. “Well, there’s the fact that I _don’t_ dance! Where do you come up with stuff like this?”

“Come on Cas, it’ll help you unwind a little.” Dean got off the bed and put his arms around Cas’ waist. Cas pushed Dean away, fixing him with a cold, hard stare. “You could’ve at least asked me before signing up!”

“Come on Cas! It’ll be fun! And we’ll get to spend more time together!” Dean said and pulled Cas closer again. “You’re always either at work or with your head buried in your books. We _never_ get to spend time like we used to.”

This time Castiel let Dean hold him. He was right. They barely spent any time together. They used to do so much together back in college. But now that they were actually living together they found it hard to find time to spend with each other. Each of them had demanding jobs that left them with very little time for anything else. Cas looked at Dean and sighed. He could never be mad at Dean for too long. He gave Dean a small smile.

“I agree, we do not spend enough time together” said Cas. Dean smiled triumphantly. “But can’t we do something else? Like pottery or art or cooking classes? Why does it have to be _dancing? Lap dancing_ of all the forms?”

“Because,” Dean said planting a gentle kiss on Cas’ lips, “ _Pottery or art or cooking classes_ won’t involve me touching you in any way.”

Cas couldn’t suppress the grin spreading on his face. _This_ was the Dean he had fallen for in college.

“But Dean…” Dean shushed him and quieted him with a kiss. “I’m taking you for our first class tomorrow after work.”

Cas didn’t have it in him to argue with Dean, especially after the kiss kept turning more and more passionate with every passing second.


	2. Chapter 2

The next evening, Cas and Dean drove to the Dance Class. Needless to say, Cas was not particularly thrilled about it. He was tired after a long day at work and just wanted to kick up his feet and watch crappy TV. Instead, here he was, with an over enthusiastic boyfriend, on his way to doing his least favourite activity. He was grumpy. And it showed.

Dean turned on the music louder than necessary and started singing along with the radio. It seemed like he was trying to negate Cas’ grumpiness with his own enthusiasm which got on Cas’ nerves even more. By the time they reached their destination, Dean looked like an over excited puppy who had just been offered his favourite toy and Cas was the splitting image of “the Grumpy Cat”.

After five agonizing minutes for Cas and five very exciting minutes for Dean, they were finally in a room with mirrored walls. The mirrors made the room look even bigger than it actually was. Bright yellow lamps hung from the high ceiling. The smooth hardwood floors were slightly slippery and Cas had to walk carefully so as to not trip. It was beautiful and had Cas not been as nervous as he was, he would have actually enjoyed the ambience.

Cas observed the set of chairs that were stacked in the corner of the room ( _One of these is the cross I will be nailed to_ ). A few other people were already there in the room too, students like them perhaps. Dean went right up and mingled with them where as Cas preferred examining a large bronze statue of a female dancer in the corner. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to other people while he was already grumpy.

They were joined by their dance instructor after a few minutes and Cas’ anxiety shot up a few hundred notches. He was not ready for this at all. He could fake a phone call from work and run like hell. He could fake a headache. He could fake a coughing fit. He could even fake a freaking heart attack. The possibilities were endless!

“Hello, fine young people! How very nice to see you here. My name is Pamela Barnes and I will be your lap dance instructor… but you already knew that” said the instructor, her voice dragging, slow and seductive. Her dark wavy hair hung loosely over her shoulder and her outfit revealed a well toned body. She had an easy gait and a warm, disarming and very seductive smile. Maybe Cas would’ve liked her. Maybe. But the way she kept eyeing Dean made Cas want to burn her eyes out of their sockets.

“So let’s begin with the basics, shall we?” Pamela said to the group, her eyes finally leaving Dean’s. Cas couldn’t stop thinking about how horrible an idea this was. “Let’s get ourselves warmed up.”

Everybody picked their spots in the room and faced Pamela. Dean dragged Cas right in the front and Cas practically wrestled with him to stay in the last row. Dean won. Pamela demonstrated some slow warm up exercises and the whole group shadowed her movements. Castiel felt stiff, his legs just refused to move. He made some very awkward movements which he was glad Dean had failed to notice, because Dean was too busy mimicking Pamela’s movements with superior grace. Dean had always been a good dancer, a great singer, and he was so handsome and charming.

_‘Not now Castiel. You’re supposed to be mad at him!’_ Castiel scolded himself.

“All right!” Pamela said and clapped her hands together, “Let’s get to the fun part already!” Her grin, if possible, had grown wider than Dean’s.

“Why don’t we all split up into pairs so we can get this party started? Grab a chair, each one of you and place it opposite your partner’s chair, both chairs facing each other.” Pamela instructed.

Dean bolted towards the stacked chairs even before Pamela had completed her sentence and placed his and Cas’ chairs as instructed. Cas finally caught Dean’s eye and gave him the best puppy eyed look he could muster, hoping at least that would work. But Dean just a _wwww’d_ and pinched his nose. Cas swatted his hand away, annoyed. In the background, a slow, seductive song had started to play. Cas nervously began scraping his nails over the edge of the chair. He looked up at Dean when he felt Dean’s hand gently cup his own hand.

“It’ll be okay, just relax. I’m right here.” He whispered. Cas just glared at him, causing Dean to chuckle and mumble something that sounded like ‘so _damn cute_ ’

Cas spotted Pamela walking towards them and scooted closer to Dean. He _was not_ trying to show her that Dean was already taken. Nope. Pamela grinned at them as Dean introduced them to her.

“So, which one of you handsome devils is going to be the audience?” Pamela asked, her hand gently resting on Dean’s forearm. Cas was too distracted by this to realize what her question was. Dean had already raised his hand up.

“Alrighty. Dean, get seated. Castiel, walk over to your chair and hold your position.” Pamela instructed. Cas looked at her indignantly. He hadn’t heard her question. He wasn’t ready. She hadn’t given him enough time to answer. Life was so unfair. He looked around only to find that all the men in the room were seated on the chair while the women were standing. He covered his face with his hands in frustration.

After all the other students had assumed their positions, Pamela said in a loud voice, “Now, to all of those who volunteered to be the audience, I have one and only one instruction for you. You are to remain seated with your hands by your sides. _Do Not_ touch the performers.”

Finally, it was Cas’ turn to smirk at Dean, whose enthusiasm seemed to have left him instantaneously. “Oh darn,” Cas whispered leaning a little closer to Dean, “you enrolled specifically so you could touch me, right?”

“Performers,” Pamela continued, before Cas could hear Dean’s answer, “I want all of you to be comfortable and relaxed. We are not going to be doing anything heavy or strenuous today. The idea is to just have fun while seducing. You can NOT do that while you are uncomfortable.” She said and nodded briefly at Cas. He attempted a small nod in return.

“Alright. Now, in time with the beat of the music, I want you’ll to walk towards your partner, sway your hips gently and gracefully… but don’t get too close to your partner”

Cas looked around to find the other ‘performers’ walk towards their partners and he began to panic. He walked towards Dean, attempting a slight sway of hips and almost skid on the slippery floor. He looked everywhere but at Dean.

“Maintain eye contact with your partner at all times” he heard Pamela’s voice ring from the other side of the room. She was walking around the room, keeping an eye on everyone’s progress. Cas looked at Dean, who still had that goofy grin plastered on his face.

“Performers, your goal is to make your partner nervous and sweaty and uncomfortable”

“Oh, I’m uncomfortable alright.” Dean whispered, “My partner won’t stop glaring at me!” Cas stamped Dean’s leg on purpose.

“Performers, back away slowly and put one leg over your own chair while facing your partner, and rub your hand against your thigh in slow, gentle circles”

Cas closed his eyes in exasperation but did as he was told. He tried. He really tried to follow the instructions and attempt to seduce his partner, but it was not his fault that he wasn’t gifted with a single drop of grace.

“Now _slowly_ lower yourself on the chair and sit down with your legs spread out. Remember, it’s more about the tease and less about the dance.”

This particular piece of instruction caught Cas’ attention. Sure, he couldn’t dance. But _teasing_ Dean? That was doable. That was _easier_ than doable. He smiled to himself at the thought. He waited for Pamela’s next instruction because he knew exactly what was expected from him from now on.


	3. Chapter 3

“Alright, get off your chairs slowly and walk up to your partner. Intrude their personal space. Stand right in front of them.” Cas heard Pamela instruct.

_‘Time to shine’_ Cas thought. He imagined the whole room to be empty. It was just him and Dean now. And he was going to seduce the hell out of Dean. He took in a deep breath, rolled his shoulders slightly and got off the chair. Dean seemed to have noticed a change in Cas’ demeanour because he visibly straightened in his chair and his eyes grew wide and serious. He probably knew Castiel’s ‘I-mean-business’ look by now.

Cas confidently marched up to Dean, slowly of course, as Pamela had instructed. He even attempted to sway his hips a little. He knew he probably sucked but it didn’t matter, because his mind had blocked out every stimuli in the room, except for the look on Dean’s face. Perhaps this was the ‘ _nervous and sweaty and uncomfortable’_ that Pamela was talking about. He went and stood right in front of Dean and smirked at him, not breaking eye contact for a single moment. Dean gulped and instinctively raised his hands to place them on Cas’ hips.

“Uh-uh, no touching the performer” Cas reminded Dean, voice laced with mischief.

“Dammit Cas!” Dean whispered. His voice seemed to have abandoned him. Cas grinned at that. It was funny how the tables had turned, and suddenly Cas the cocky, confident one while Dean was the nervous, anxious one.

“Performers, straddle only one of your partner’s legs, and sway on the spot. Place both your hands on your partner’s shoulders for stability. You don’t wanna fall down because that is the exact opposite of ‘seductive’!”

Dean finally found his voice. “But we’re not allowed to touch!” He said out loud.

“Oh sweetheart, _you’re_ not allowed to touch him. He can touch you all he wants!”

Dean’s eyes snapped back at Cas’ and Cas gave him the widest grin he could muster. He had to stop himself from bursting out laughing at Dean’s ‘ _not fair_ ’ face. Instead, he placed both hands on Dean’s shoulders and straddled Dean’s right leg. This was not the first time he had done that and he smiled at the memory. Dean probably remembered it too, because now he just looked frustrated that he couldn’t touch Cas.

“Right, back up, performers. Time for a little more tease.” Cas did as instructed and stood in front of Dean, eye contact still strong as ever.

“Now as you sway gently, begin running your hands over your chest. Slowly. And don’t touch your partner while you’re doing that.”

“Cas, you better touch me right the fuck now!” Dean whispered. Cas chuckled and began running his fingers over his chest the way Dean usually does to him – gentle circles over the plain of his chest running down to his abs and back up his chest again.  He could literally feel Dean fighting against the invisible ropes that bound him to the chair.

“It is at this point that a performer would start stripping” Pamela stated casually. Dean’s mouth fell open and Cas instantly crashed back to reality. _Mirrored room, people, dancing, anxiety._

“But of course, I’m just stating a fact. We will not be doing that here.” Pamela said and chuckled. Cas heaved a sigh of relief.

“Well, would you look at that? Our time is already up!” Pamela said in mock-disappointment. “But we sure did learn a lot, didn’t we?” She asked looking straight at Cas, who gave her a small, genuine smile. She _had_ noticed that he had lost himself in the dance. He wondered if anyone else had noticed too, but was surprised to realize that he didn’t exactly care.

“I would appreciate it if you’ll stack your chairs back up. Thank you all for coming today. I’ll see you for our next class” Pamela beamed and concluded the class.

Dean seemed visibly quiet and tense as they stacked their chairs and slowly walked down to now practically empty the parking lot. As soon as they got into the impala, Dean leapt onto Cas, claiming his mouth in a hot, desperate kiss. His hands were all over Cas’ body – his hair, his neck, his back, his chest. Cas tried to match his enthusiasm but all he could do was chuckle and lean back to say, “No touching the Performer!”

“Shut up!” Dean said, a grin forcing its way out of Dean’s mouth as he pressed his lips to Cas’ again. Cas let him have it. He did deserve it after not having touched Cas for about an hour even though every fibre in his body had wanted him to. After a while, the kisses turned slightly less hungry and desperate. They became more sweet and gentle and lazy. After one final kiss, Dean leaned back on his seat and rested his hands on the steering wheel.

“Ready to move this party to our bedroom?” He asked, cockiness seeping back into his demeanour.

“That depends. Will there be chairs?” Cas asked with a mischievous smile.

“Oh, as many as you want, Cas.” Dean said, grinning back at him.

“Do you want to continue with the classes, Dean?”

“Of course. Only if you want to.” Dean replied. Cas nodded in affirmation and smiled.

“But next time, _I’m_ gonna perform and watch you lose your shit” Dean said resolutely and steered the car out of the parking lot.

“Oh, we’ll see about that!” Cas said and burst out laughing.


End file.
